Has it really been six months since I've done this?
Yep, says the calendar on my last blog post. Apparently, I had a lot to say on 12/12/12... nevermind the uniqueness of that date alone, it was just an all-around interesting period of my life.
Which brings me to here...
Some who are reading this are undoubtedly people who I communicate with regularly on Facebook, through various postings, messages, etc. Yet, for the past two weeks, with a rare exception here and there, I have blocked all attempts at communication. I have not responded to much of anything on there, and have essentially just visited. I have left a few random quotes on my page, just as a reminder that I am alive. Also, it was my hope that people could interpret them in a certain way.
This hope has gone unfulfilled. Such is life, I suppose. In any case, I would like to lay a few ground rules.... no, ground rules is not the right term. I prefer "guidelines"... yes, that'll do quite nicely. These are a few guidelines on Facebook etiquette when it comes to me:
1. Just because I'm online, that doesn't mean I want to be bombarded with chat requests. I usually just jump on there to do a quick scan of what's going on, and then I like to go on my merry way. Trust me, when I want to chat, I'll find you. Otherwise, I have no time for such things.
2. If I ignore your chat requests, there are a couple or likely scenarios:
a)See Above
b)My cell phone is showing me currently active on Facebook, even though I'm not. I do realize this is an error on my end, therefore I've taken steps to correct it.
c)The obvious results of the above statements should lead you to the conclusion that, in all likelihood, you are not being ignored. I'm simply unaware of your attempts at contact.
3. While all of this may lead people to think I'm antisocial, I don't consider this to be the case at all. In fact, there are times when I totally love to ham it up online & bombard the world with the things I consider to be of interest. However, I am also borderline fanatic when it comes to needing my distance at times, and this is where I feel the problem lies. It could quite possibly be an issue of me not effectively conveying my need for solitute, and if so then I will take responsibility for this. Trust me, I do like all of you that I talk to, it's just that my need for space at times is overwhelming. I hope this is understood.
Speaking of understanding...
I posted a random comment on Facebook about a month ago about having little to nothing in common with my closest friends. On the outside, this statement looks like a recipe for disaster & confusion, yet I defended this conclusion with the statement that no matter what differences we have, my friends have my back, and I have theirs. This is still true. However, as what tends to happen during my long drive to work, I got to thinking deeply on the subject. Thinking, analyzing, dissecting, and trying to find a conclusion. Finally, I was left with an idea; one which I'm surprised to say I never touched upon before.
Maybe, I thought, I should try to explain myself.
See, I was always against this, because I thought that trying to paint a clear picture of who I am is not something I should have to do. I figured that if someone was interested in getting to understand what makes me think the way that I think, it was their duty to come to me & ask me. I don't need to provide a road map through my psyche, was my belief.
It still is. However, I've discovered that by doing exactly that, it helps me. It makes me see, in plain words in front of my eyes, just who I am. Plus, it does give some of the people closest to me a little idea of where it is I'm coming from. No confusion, no misunderstanding (is that redundant?), just plain, simple truth.
I am not married, and I have no children. I tried this, it was not successful... for a variety of reasons. To be blunt, neither I nor my ex-wife were ready for it. It took some growing up on both our parts to realize this, and although I live my life with no room for regrets, the truth is I think I could've done without all the hurt feelings, on both ends. However, I've moved on, and to be even more honest, it takes a really spectacular person to come along & catch my attention enough to want to start any type of relationship. All this talk people give me about not getting any younger, it really has no impact on me. When I want something, I go out & get it. This includes a relationship. I don't mean to sound callous, but it's the truth. As far as kids go, well... I suppose in the future I'd like to have some type of family. But again, this is all dependent upon meeting someone who can kindle my interest in such a thing. The situation has to be right, I refuse to settle for anything less.
I haven't been a practicing Christian for years now, and instead find my faith in Pagan beliefs. Of all the unique things about me, this may be the single hardest idea for people to reconcile. Why this is so, especially in this politically-charged day and age, I have no idea. But it's true, I was born & raised a Catholic. I began to find, as I got older, that when I was going to church, I would look around and see people who were completely solemn, somber, and disinterested. In my opinion, these were folks that were there out of obligation, or fear, or some other reason other than wanting to celebrate their faith. I simply couldn't take it. Life's too short not to celebrate every moment you're here, and if there is indeed a supreme being, I can't imagine that their idea for us is to plod around a building every Sunday looking miserable & being afraid not to be there.
I sought out a new place to put my faith, and after several pit stops in other Christian-based places, it was my ex-wife of all people who opened my eyes to the Pagan lifestyle. Now, I know most of you reading this will probably never look deeply into Paganism as a faith, and in fact your first reaction to the mention of it borders on disgust. However, I implore you to have an open mind, and just accept that it is simply a faith based on peace, love, and connecting with the world around us. No single doctrine, no rulebook, no judgment. I don't want to come off like a salesman here, so I'll simply say that it's a faith that accepts all of us, and doesn't demand anything of us other than that which we already should know. Love one another, do no harm, take care of our world & all creatures who dwell upon it. Most of all, accept everyone. Do not judge others on their beliefs, respect their rights to believe however they will & embrace that right.A simple philosophy with no catches. Personally, I never found that on Sundays.
I refuse to call myslef a Democrat, Republican, Liberal, Conservative, or any other label the news media & political pundits would try to use to classify me as a voter. For a long time, I considered myself a solid Democrat. I believed that this was the party of the people, a group of politicians & lawmakers who had "the little guy" in mind, as opposed to the evil Republicans who were all for big business, the wealthy & keeping anyone who wasn't white, straight, & Christian from becoming anything in this country. I have since come to realize that the truth has been obscured. Both parties have become the problem. I have such a hard time finding a politician I can trust, because nowadays it seems by their very definitions, politicians are liars. I don't believe any one of these elected officials on either side of the aisle really cares much about my problems, unless by helping me solve it they can have my vote. I truly hate politics & politicians.
However, that's a rant for another blog... a much longer one than this (if that's possible...)
I have no prejudice against any classification of human being. This one is really quite simple. When I look at someone, I don't see a white person, or a black person, or a gay person, or an immigrant, or a fat person, or any other type of label a person is saddled with... believe me, being who I am, I've been given plenty of them in my lifetime. No, all I see are people. I'm not naive, I know that there are differences between all of us, but the very idea of someone trying to label another in order to differentiate them from the whole of society is despicable. I'm not talking about jokes, either... those are simply meant to be humorous, and in fact many of them are funny, even to those groups that are meant as the butt of the joke. What really hurts are the labels that the media, or the government, or the school systems in this country seem to place upon us. Perhaps I'm alone in my thinking here, but across the world, in my view people don't want to be seen as this, or that, or anything else that separates them from the rest of the world. They want to be seen as people, pure & simple. It's not the people who turn against each other, it's those in power who pull the strings of the rest of us to keep us apart. I cut my strings a while ago.
Family is not built by blood, family is built by love. I have a somewhat checkered background when it comes to family (who doesn't nowadays?). Some of you know bits & pieces, others know little to nothing. All I'll say is this... for a long time, I rode a very bumpy ocean, in a boat that had no place anywhere but a pond. I lost all room in my heart for hate, but there was something worse than hate that was festering. I came to realize that the only thing a human heart can feel that is worse than hate is nothing at all. That's where I was.
I'm not there anymore. I've made peace with the demons I battled for so long. I'm free.
How can you be happy with your life? Don't you want a normal life like everyone else? If I were condemned to live my life according to the court of public opinion, I would gladly walk to the nearest volcano & do a cannonball. I do not, will not, and will never base my happiness & my ideals on anyone's needs other than my own. I love my life, every second of it, without question. I do what makes me happy, I harm no one & therefore have only myself to answer to. I have a job that I absolutely love, I look forward to going to work every day, and have plenty of outside interests to keep me occupied during my downtime. My music fulfills my creative side, and I know that if there's something I want badly enough, I'll get it. In short, I am supremely confident in my abilities to navigate the waters of this life, and will accept nothing less than success in everything I do.
Sometimes it seems that those around me either don't believe me, or can't understand how I can consider myself successful against those who society feels are the ones who should be emulated. The answer, quite simply, comes back to a statement I made above:
I do not, will not, and will never base my happiness & my ideals on anyone's needs other than my own.
Well, I think it's time to put this one to rest. This is less of a blog and more of a manifesto, anyway. If any of you made it this far, I owe you a cookie & a beer. Or maybe a cookie-flavored beer... I could invent that. In all honesty, I know other people don't have to be reading these things, and for those that do, I'm glad you take some kind of interest in what I have to say. At its best, these blogs are a way to share my myriad of thoughts with the rest of the world. At its worst, it's a facinating reference for me to look back & see what I was feeling at a particular point in time.
Until the next time...
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