"I have as much authority as The Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it." - George Carlin
One piece of advice I try to share with everyone: Never let anyone tell you who you are.
Sounds simple, right? Almost like something that should've been ingrained into your mind from the cradle? Well, you'd be absolutely amazed at how many people can't seem to grasp such a concept. That simple eight-word sentence written above has the power to determine the outcome of some of the biggest decisions you'll face throughout your lifetime, and so I choose to respect the power of those words and hold onto that ideal. Believe me, the alternative can lead to great disappointment.
I know because, for a long time, I didn't know who I was. I let others tell me, and it brought a lot of negativity into my life. Hell, I even got myself into a marriage that was doomed from the start; I was just too naive to see it at the time.
In any case, that was the past. And while I don't ever dismiss it, I don't dwell on it, either. I prefer to focus on the here & now, while still keeping an eye on the future.
So anyway...
It's amazing to me that I could've lived as long & as fast as I have these past 32 years and still be capable of finding so much amazement in the familiars of life. A perfect example of this is the weather lately. I've often said that Mother Nature is bipolar; she's sticking us with snowstorms and shitty wintery weather, and then the next day the temperatures hit 60 degrees and make me want to go fishing. Living in New England for my entire life, I am quite used to these strange patterns, yet I still feel a total sense of amazement, even child-like curiosity at how such things can be. In fact, if I take a step back from everything I've learned in my life, I find that such simple concepts like the workings of a television, the operating principles of a commuter train, even the idea of the creation of popcorn... these things all provide a sense of amazement and even impress me at some level.
The fact is, I feel truly blessed to be able to find joy & pleasure in simplicity. It makes every day a great adventure, and the ability to rediscover the joys of knowledgeable impression is a gift I cherish.
On the other hand...
My disposition can really be either a blessing or a curse, depending upon the situation. I tend to label it a 70/30 split in favor of the blessing idea, but the curse creeps in every now & then. See, I'm different; at least, different from most of the people I hang with. My ideals, religion, political beliefs... they all run counter to what a lot of my friends subscribe to. Personally, I love that about my friends; variety is the spice of life, and I think it makes for some fascinating conversation. Although I don't agree with most of what they say, I see the passion & belief they put behind their views, and I can't help but respect that... even if I happen to think some of it is misguided. I certainly don't think less of them for what they believe in.
However, I often get the sense that this kind of respect is not reciprocated. Disagreements are bound to happen among people with different beliefs; labels & judgments, on the other hand, are very unnecessary. It happens so frequently that I feel numb to them now, but I see the anger it brings out in others, and as much as I know I'm not the cause of it, it still bothers me. What is it that makes a person see any viewpoint other than their own as a direct insult? Despite all the evidence in the world to the contrary, do others still only see in the world in black and white? How can someone live a whole lifetime like this & truly find inner peace? These are attitudes that I've dealt with my whole life, and should not be a surprise to me. Why, then, do they still leave me with a sense of wonderment & curiosity?
Perhaps the real trick of this game is finding the balance between the two sides of the equation. These questions that only we can answer are what keeps the mind and the soul energized enough to keep feeding us on our quest for fulfillment.
Speaking of balance...
Right now, the biggest question on my mind is what to do about my living situation. I live in the most beautiful spot I have ever lived in during my brief occupancy on our world, right on a peaceful lake on a private street surrounded by the most serene gifts that Mother Nature can provide, inside a house that can be generously described as a neglected shithole. My landlord seems to have built this place out of Silly Putty & Lincoln Logs (am I dating myself with that reference?), and trying to get him to do any repairs is like waiting for a lemon tree to grow in the North Pole... it's useless. To be fair to the landlord, he's kind of disabled. Not to the point where he can't do repairs, but he's beat up so badly that something as simple as changing a cabinet door requires the use of two Vicodin and a day's rest. I feel for the guy, but the place seems to be deteriorating beyond his ability to keep up with it. This, coupled with my roommate's absolute desire not to stay beyond the lease, leaves me with this question:
Do I stay in this spot, where I have never been more at peace with my environment and the world around me, yet has the potential to dent my finances by having to handle all of the bills by myself, to live in a house that is not the nicest or most modern? Or, do I sacrifice serenity & nature for creature comforts and a balanced checkbook, knowing that it is the smarter decision for my financial & professional well-being?
Then again, perhaps there's a third option I have yet to discover. If there is, I'll find it. I almost always do :-)
Okay, enough gut-spilling for one day, I'm going to the flea market to buy other people's stuff. As always, if you're reading this, you must have at least a passing interest into my mind's inner workings. I hope you got what you wanted.
Plant a tree if you get a chance, by the way. We'd all be screwed without them :-)
-MC-
2-19-2012
