I Saw A Reflection In A Piece Of Silverware. It Was Shiny.

Short one tonight, I'm a little sleepy.

I think I found a fork in the road., which in itself is nothing new. No path is ever without divergence, unless you don't have the ability to see past the end of your nose (ah, a Mary Poppins reference... first time I've done that, I believe). However, this particular fork is one in which I feel was not always ahead of me... it's almost as if it followed me down whatever path I was walking, yet I chose not to see it.

See, the thing is... I've fallen head over heels. Not for a person (not sure I ever want to go down that path again, a tale for another time), but in this case I've fallen for a lifestyle. One that I used to think was a bit out of my league, to be honest.

The simple truth of the situation is, I believe that above all else in my life, I'm meant to be a performer.

This is more than just a temporary rush caused by being in three awesome productions over the past year, and meeting a bunch of people who have done the same for years before that... I just feel as though it's where I fit. I've blogged before about not quite knowing where exactly I fit in within this universe, and honestly if I were on my own for the rest of my life with most people wondering exactly where it is I'm at, I'd be cool with it. I'm not unhappy with my life in the slightest, trust me. It's just that I've recently been struck with an epiphany... and knowing where my skill set lays, it's one that I'm really surprised did not strike me as hard as it has until now. Nevertheless, here it is, staring me in the face.

Perhaps it was brought about by some of the fantastic people I've worked with over the past year... for a long while, I seemed to be the biggest fish in the pond, and that was okay. I enjoyed it... and I still do. But this theater life? Holy cow, I was unprepared for exactly how much I had no clue about. I was suddenly a guppy trying to swim in the ocean! It was intimidating, challenging, and chaotic... and I loved every minute of it! Now, however, I've taken the big step from guppy to... well, maybe goldfish. I'm still in the ocean floating around with the big fish, and learning everything I can from them. What's even more awesome than that, however, is that they've accepted me. So many times I've heard about how newcomers can get chewed up & spit out by those people who're just starting out. Not with these folks... there's a bond building here, one that I'm appreciating more & more every day. This is where I'm meant to be, honing my craft, spending my time chasing my passions & sharing whatever gifts I have with people who feel the same way. It's where I need to be, and it's all I can think about.

So, now the questions arise...

What do I do about that pesky thing called “The Future”?

I've built a pretty decent career here with the railroad, another place which, surprisingly enough, I take a lot of joy out of working. I do love my job very much, and am one of those rare folks who looks forward to going to work. But the question of “What if you had to give up your creative pursuits for your job?” always seemed so easy to answer: I'd be mad, of course, but in the end, I'd find other creative outlets that didn't interfere with my work.

Point-blank: I can't use that answer anymore.

That's where the real chaos beings.

I get one go-around on this planet (at least, with this consciousness), and I owe it to myself to make the best effort I can to enjoy every moment of it... while doing something worthwhile. I can't just fall back on the safe path & coast toward the finish line, can I? If I choose to follow my passions with complete conviction, it's going to take a lot of sacrifice & reflection. I don't think there's an easy answer to this one.

Man, sometimes forks can be a pain in the ass.

Enough from me, I'm out for the night.

P..S. - The first two episodes of this season's The Walking Dead are masterpieces. Do not attempt to convince me otherwise, for you only guarantee a swift cut by the sword of failure.

-MC-