In The Land of the Apples and Oranges, the Banana is Obviously Lost...

So, here we go again...

As deep as my thoughts are lately, even more so with upcoming future events in the spring (which I will touch upon later), I cannot help but to be somewhat unable to stay entirely topical with these blogs. Then again, is there really any need? I'm unsure of the rules with regards to how a blog is supposed to be structured or even characterized, which leads me to believe that perhaps they are not. Maybe a blog is supposed to reflect the characteristics of its creator, in which case I'm gonna be successful with this one; I hate characterization, I don't do well with labels and I follow no kind of noticeable structure in my life... save for that of my own personal values. So, whoever reads this, be warned... I'm gonna be bouncing with this one :-)

Let's see...

I posted something today on Facebook regarding the dehumanization of customer service on the phone. I got a few different responses to my complaints about how it frustrates me that those who are on the other end of the telephone seem to lack the basic skills or the personality to make you anything but annoyed, and suggested that it was a strong reason as to why these jobs are disappearing. I'm not sure, but I feel that I may have been unfairly harsh... after all, as I see on the railroad from time to time & hear from my co-workers out in the field, the general public is the hardest animal to tame. People as individuals are fabulous; as a whole, they make me want to thank whoever invented the flamethrower & put one on layaway. Some of them are really quite rude, in fact. Last night, while shopping at Wal-Mart, I was appalled to listen to this guy at the register next to mine rip into this clerk trying to ring up his purchases, using all kinds of slurs & basically degrading her in front of the general public. Now, if this clerk were being rude, I could understand the frustration if not condone his actions... however, this sweet little woman seemed nothing but pleasant, and to her credit, just smiled & nodded while this moronic pile of douche treated her as though she were beneath him. That frustrates me to no end, and upon further review, perhaps I should be a little more patient with some people. After all, they're just trying to do their jobs... and at a far lower wage than I'm fortunate enough to bring home. Life's too short to get heated over little things like that, anyway. To quote George Carlin... “Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.” :-)

What else...

Oh, here's something. I have recently begun to think of some of the mistakes I made in relationships of the past, and I came running back to a conclusion that I had reached long ago: I had measured my self-worth in any type of relationship on trying to fix everything, to be the hero to those I cared about, the one to lead them from their troubles & bring them to a better state of being. I thought I was being noble, and my actions were well-intentioned. Unfortunately, they were misguided and did way more harm than good. My ex-wife tried to teach me this a long time ago, but I wasn't able to grasp it for a long time. See, the clarity I've attained has opened my mind to all these mistakes I've made... I really have to laugh at what a dope I was, LOL! See, by trying to rescue others & take them away from their troubles, I wasn't helping them; instead, I was giving them a false sense of security by trying to convince them that their problems were over because I would force them to disappear. What I never took into account was that you can't make someone else's troubles disappear like that... problems have to be faced, dealt with, and solved. And you can't outrun them... in the end, if you don't confront them on your terms, they'll find you and destroy you on their terms. I finally realized that if I truly want to help the people I care about, I can't be the hero that magically makes the darkness go away; instead, I'll be the rock they need by standing behind them & helping them to their feet when their struggles knock them down a bit. It seems to me that a person who has someone standing beside them in the struggle can overcome the chaos of the world much more successfully than having someone hide them from the world. Wish I knew that years ago... you live, you learn :-)

Random Lesson: Never drink Goldschlager. I got my ass kicked :-)

… y'know, I think I'm gonna try to get a band together. I miss playing guitar (even though I kinda sucked, LOL), and I know I've got the vocal chops to make anything I do successful. I'm gonna look around...

Speaking of which, I feel I should address something. For a long time, I was kind of humble about a lot of things in my life, displaying what some may refer to as “false modesty”. Well, it wasn't false. I really placed a cap on how I rated my skills as a musician and a performer. However, the more I get going with performing, the more I'm starting to realize just how much potential I really have. I've always been one who has said that settling for something is never good enough, if you really want something bad enough you have to keep pushing until you get it. Well, fair warning: I'm about to become very pushy... and I'll leave it at that.

I found a new idea for a tattoo. I'm going to get a phrase tattooed on my wrist. For the purposes of surprise, I will not reveal it at this time. However, I will confirm that the phrase is not “WHAZZZZUUUUUUPPPP!!!!”

I'm tired. I'm going to bed now. Thank you to my close circle of friends who really keep me focused & remind me that, though I sometimes feel as though I'm alone on this ship, there are others walking the deck with me, sailing the waters & embracing the unbelievable weirdness of the world. My life, crazy as it is sometimes, is still so very awesome... and some of you remind me of this always. You know who are are :-)

And... that's a wrap.

-MC

I Saw A Reflection In A Piece Of Silverware. It Was Shiny.

Short one tonight, I'm a little sleepy.

I think I found a fork in the road., which in itself is nothing new. No path is ever without divergence, unless you don't have the ability to see past the end of your nose (ah, a Mary Poppins reference... first time I've done that, I believe). However, this particular fork is one in which I feel was not always ahead of me... it's almost as if it followed me down whatever path I was walking, yet I chose not to see it.

See, the thing is... I've fallen head over heels. Not for a person (not sure I ever want to go down that path again, a tale for another time), but in this case I've fallen for a lifestyle. One that I used to think was a bit out of my league, to be honest.

The simple truth of the situation is, I believe that above all else in my life, I'm meant to be a performer.

This is more than just a temporary rush caused by being in three awesome productions over the past year, and meeting a bunch of people who have done the same for years before that... I just feel as though it's where I fit. I've blogged before about not quite knowing where exactly I fit in within this universe, and honestly if I were on my own for the rest of my life with most people wondering exactly where it is I'm at, I'd be cool with it. I'm not unhappy with my life in the slightest, trust me. It's just that I've recently been struck with an epiphany... and knowing where my skill set lays, it's one that I'm really surprised did not strike me as hard as it has until now. Nevertheless, here it is, staring me in the face.

Perhaps it was brought about by some of the fantastic people I've worked with over the past year... for a long while, I seemed to be the biggest fish in the pond, and that was okay. I enjoyed it... and I still do. But this theater life? Holy cow, I was unprepared for exactly how much I had no clue about. I was suddenly a guppy trying to swim in the ocean! It was intimidating, challenging, and chaotic... and I loved every minute of it! Now, however, I've taken the big step from guppy to... well, maybe goldfish. I'm still in the ocean floating around with the big fish, and learning everything I can from them. What's even more awesome than that, however, is that they've accepted me. So many times I've heard about how newcomers can get chewed up & spit out by those people who're just starting out. Not with these folks... there's a bond building here, one that I'm appreciating more & more every day. This is where I'm meant to be, honing my craft, spending my time chasing my passions & sharing whatever gifts I have with people who feel the same way. It's where I need to be, and it's all I can think about.

So, now the questions arise...

What do I do about that pesky thing called “The Future”?

I've built a pretty decent career here with the railroad, another place which, surprisingly enough, I take a lot of joy out of working. I do love my job very much, and am one of those rare folks who looks forward to going to work. But the question of “What if you had to give up your creative pursuits for your job?” always seemed so easy to answer: I'd be mad, of course, but in the end, I'd find other creative outlets that didn't interfere with my work.

Point-blank: I can't use that answer anymore.

That's where the real chaos beings.

I get one go-around on this planet (at least, with this consciousness), and I owe it to myself to make the best effort I can to enjoy every moment of it... while doing something worthwhile. I can't just fall back on the safe path & coast toward the finish line, can I? If I choose to follow my passions with complete conviction, it's going to take a lot of sacrifice & reflection. I don't think there's an easy answer to this one.

Man, sometimes forks can be a pain in the ass.

Enough from me, I'm out for the night.

P..S. - The first two episodes of this season's The Walking Dead are masterpieces. Do not attempt to convince me otherwise, for you only guarantee a swift cut by the sword of failure.

-MC-

My Brain Is Leaking, & You Just Stepped In It!! HA HA!!

I'm inundated with curiosity today. I've been watching the news, reading the news, getting sickened by the news... same old story, I suppose. But still... some things I see from people astound me. But I digress...

I'm a little bored today. I'm 4 hours away from showtime, and surprisingly I'm not at all nervous. What that says about me as a performer, I'm not sure. However, as a person I have to say it's shocking the hell out of me. With the limited experience I have on stage, one would think I'd be close to panic... but not me. Does this mean I'm getting good at this? I wouldn't say that... however, I might not object if others did... ;-)

So... here's a series of random questions I have no answer to, but may decide to research someday. Unless anyone reading this knows the answer, in which case I would accept your input with open arms:

Where is the logic of charging people more money for less service? (Yes, I'm talking to you, Comcast... you wanna raise my bill for not using your phone... I find your company shitty to begin with, but that takes the cake.)

When did politicians start to feel their jobs were more career-long positions granted by birthright, rather than temp jobs given to them by the public?

Why do people assume that their beliefs are the only ones that should be followed, and than anyone who disagrees with their views is a sinner, heathen, etc.?

Why can you not buy any brand-name orange sherbet anymore? I mean stand-alone orange sherbet, not mixed with nasty vanilla flavor or other sherbet flavors? And don't give me that store brand garbage, that's nothing more than colored water that forms ice crystals the day after you open the cheap plastic tub it comes in. Epic failure by the grocery store.

What do people have against snakes? I'm planning to own one within the next six months, and I've already been told by several people that they will refuse to visit if I have one. What a bad rap my little scaly buddies have, they're no more vicious or dangerous than other animals... if you know how to take care of them. I'm a quick learner.

If human beings evolved from monkeys & apes, why do we still have monkeys & apes?

My hair is awesome. Not a question, just a random observation :-)

Why is it such a bad deal to have casinos around here? If people want to go spend a night trying their luck playing a few games, so be it. It's not the fault of those responsible enough to manage their money if other people go a little crazy & lose their shirt. It's the same with banning fireworks in this state... those of us who know how to properly ignite these things are forced to head to New Hampshire & sneak them back across the border, trying to dodge the state troopers on the way back. Pretty lame. Apparently in our society, the concept of personal accountability has been pushed aside in favor of the much easier solution of denying things to all people. Lazy, lazy, lazy. And unfair. Just sayin'...

***Editor's Note: As a former substitute English teacher, I'm aware that there are many grammatical errors within this entire blog. Tough shit, I'm not graded on this, deal with it.***

What else can I throw out there...

Why isn't the phenomenon known as ASMR more widely known? Through this simple practice, I have added so much more potency to my daily meditations... and there are so many talented practitioners & content creators out there that can help you find the most exhilarating state of relaxation! Google ASMR when you get the chance, then scour the files of YouTube. You won't be disappointed.

Regarding my earlier comments about performing... I've changed my mind. Not about being nervous, about my self-judgment as a performer. I'm gonna go out on a limb here & say I'm pretty damn good :-)

I love hockey more than football. Never thought that would happen. But it has.

Christmas is coming... hide your wallets, everybody else will be looking for them :-)

And on that note, I'm outta here. I have a show to prep for. If you enjoyed my rambling on this blog, good. If not, I'll deal with you later. With a blowtorch and tweezers.

… okay, just tweezers.

Over & Out (or as my Canadian relatives say, Oot.)